The benefits of saying no (and how to do it kindly)

When was the last time you said no to something without an ounce of guilt or regret at hurting someone’s feelings?

We’re all very different people in how we interact with others but we’re conditioned from childhood that saying ‘no’ is a negative and an insolent approach. However, to be in control of our lives will mean sometimes having to disagree but how can we turn this into a positive and useful situation? 

If we say yes to everything then we literally have no time to complete any task. In this world of fast-paced communication, it’s impossible to take any time out to think about something without an answer being expected of us almost immediately. We are inundated with requests which can often be overwhelming and daunting but remember, you should be in control of your own life and what you do.

What are the underlying benefits to saying ‘No’?

• It will lead to a better use of time. By saying yes to everything you are likely to let something slip and the results of that are often worse than not trying at all. Over-committing to activities means that each one gets less of your brainpower and attention so far better to work on fewer projects but give them the focus that they deserve and need.

• It will give you a feeling of self-assurance and control of your own life that you can’t possibly get by agreeing to do everything.

• You will be able to prioritise and become more productive at home and work as a result. 

• Although it’s initially a difficult thought, once you’ve mastered the habit of saying no to anything that’s not right for you it will be liberating and reduce stress immediately. It will be off your plate and out of your mind.

• It will gain you deserved respect. If you say yes to everything and everyone, then they know where to go when something has to be done. If you’re the person who stays late after work, who collects everyone else’s children, is the only one washing up and it’s starting to take its toll on you, then step back. It’s not to say you can’t be helpful and kind but there’s also a balance to ensure you don’t burn out in the process.

• You will find out who your friends are. You have the right to say no to things you don’t feel comfortable with or that you don’t have time for. If people at home or work can’t accept that then remember it’s their issue, not yours.

With that in mind, how can we say no in a way that won’t shock or offend?

Firstly, be calm, if the request has irritated you then take a moment to compose yourself and answer when you’re feeling in control. A quick-fire text or email can cause more damage than saying nothing.

1.       Offer other solutions.

If you can’t do what is being asked but you still want to help then give a way that will fix the issue but also gives you breathing space. For example, if you can’t attend a meeting then offer to send your thoughts or ideas beforehand by email and a time at a later date to discuss if needed. Also don’t feel you need to put it all in context – you don’t have to give your life history as to why you can’t do something. Sometimes, the less said the better or you’ll be back to square one.

2.       Be precise.

When you are saying you can’t do something be very clear that it’s a no and not a maybe or it can keep people hanging on and this ends up with a worse situation in the long run. Be brief with response and don’t say ‘I’ll think about it’ if you have no intention of doing that. For example, thank the person asking you and say on unfortunately this occasion it’s not possible.

3.       Show gratitude.

Be enthusiastic and genuine with your response that you’ve been asked and this will soften the eventual decline – remaining upbeat will mean that the person being refused won’t be offended, or at least slightly less. For example, thank them for the invitation to the event, it’s really wonderful to be asked, but unfortunately you can’t attend and wish them a fantastic evening that you can’t wait to hear all about.

4.       Be gracious but strong.

Always be polite and respectful and don’t feel to be over apologetic or it will sound insincere. Everyone appreciates we all have events in our own lives at home and work and cannot attend everything so as long as you’re polite and firm about refusing you’ll be fine. For example, acknowledge how important an event or meeting is but you are unable to take on anything more at this moment and thank them for understanding that.

Although it may take some getting used to, saying no is a useful skill that helps us ensure that we keep an all-important work-life balance.

If you would like further information about the accredited life coaching we offer, how it could benefit your business, or how you could incorporate it into your team, please get in touch at info@maytrixgroup.com